This piece held me spellbound. Wow. Out of all the lovely lines, this is my favorite: “The same hands that nursed a pulse into the Earth, broke our spine in two.” Can’t wait to read this book:)
Wow..okay. Headlight glare…this is a great moment anyone can relate to…so to go to a kid falling asleep…it kinda warrants more…bring me there. I like choking on youth..that’s a great line.I think ‘denouement’ is a bit niche. ‘Gilded’? My take…I’m not a writer, but I coach screenwriters…you there is a great realism to your story…but you kinda try too hard. Keep it simple. Your prose is on point, but you add too much? Quick take. I think you’re good.
I really appreciate you taking the time to write back and your honesty. I don’t really appreciate the “try too hard” because I, unfortunately, tend to speak this way as well — but I’ll take it with a grain of salt and try to ease up on my delivery.
Again, I really appreciate your honesty, though. Need all of it that I can take.
Then, speak that way. I don't find anything wrong with it...it the context of good writing. Tell me to 'fuck off'...I'm okay with that...what do I know...it's just feedback and totally 'grain of salt'...I liked it on the whole...and I'm picky...which means jackshit. Go. Write. Good storytelling, which is the best part of it.
Marble, this is magnificently heart-wrenching. Oof, the feelings it’s stirring up. You have such a gift 💝
Thank you so much, Paulla!! 🤍😭
Wow I love your writing so much! Thank you for sharing this ✨
Thank you for being here! 🤍
I have no words. Just feelings. (Thank you for writing the way you write, and for standing up for the way you write. It’s beautiful.)
Thank you, Wake 🫂 I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s okay! I just prefer constructive criticism over personal preference 😅
I’m the same. I’m grateful for your writing because it is very much my cup of tea.
This piece held me spellbound. Wow. Out of all the lovely lines, this is my favorite: “The same hands that nursed a pulse into the Earth, broke our spine in two.” Can’t wait to read this book:)
Thank you thank you thank you 🥹🤍
I can feel the catharsis in this writing. Great work x
Thank you! 🤍
Love the honesty. Title was good. Your analogies need some work. Good piece.
Thank you for the feedback! Do you mind telling me which ones and why?
Wow..okay. Headlight glare…this is a great moment anyone can relate to…so to go to a kid falling asleep…it kinda warrants more…bring me there. I like choking on youth..that’s a great line.I think ‘denouement’ is a bit niche. ‘Gilded’? My take…I’m not a writer, but I coach screenwriters…you there is a great realism to your story…but you kinda try too hard. Keep it simple. Your prose is on point, but you add too much? Quick take. I think you’re good.
I really appreciate you taking the time to write back and your honesty. I don’t really appreciate the “try too hard” because I, unfortunately, tend to speak this way as well — but I’ll take it with a grain of salt and try to ease up on my delivery.
Again, I really appreciate your honesty, though. Need all of it that I can take.
Then, speak that way. I don't find anything wrong with it...it the context of good writing. Tell me to 'fuck off'...I'm okay with that...what do I know...it's just feedback and totally 'grain of salt'...I liked it on the whole...and I'm picky...which means jackshit. Go. Write. Good storytelling, which is the best part of it.
This is gorgeous and heart-wrenching omg 😭💞
Writing it was definitely a process - i’m glad the feelings communicated well 🤍
Such beautiful writing!
Thank you so much!
Thank you!